Harnessing Your Alter Ego
/[Republished from a newsletter dated October 14, 2025]
At a Leadership Institute for LGBTQ+ tech leaders, I saw something I hadn’t quite seen before. One speaker wore boots and a t-shirt with a leather harness under their blazer. Another paired a tailored men’s jacket with flowing skirt-pants. Neither choice felt like rebellion or performance. It felt like freedom.
It made me think about how much of ourselves we learn to hide at work. The weekend versions. The playful, the bold, the soft, the creative, the unapologetic. Hiding those parts takes a lot of energy. What if, instead of hiding, we harnessed them?
Our alter egos aren’t fake. They’re parts of ourselves we’ve learned to access in specific contexts. Sometimes they carry the exact energy, courage, or clarity we need to face a leadership challenge.
Here are four ways people harness their alter egos to meet real-world challenges
The Leatherman
Wearing a leather harness under a blazer is about remembering that a Leatherman feels fearless, sexy, and fully alive. On the days he faces big presentations or tough senior leadership conversations, that alter ego becomes a source of grounding and confidence, a reminder that he doesn’t need to shrink.
The Dungeon Master
One product leader leads tough meetings channeling their inner storyteller as the Dungeon Master from their tabletop game nights. Instead of forcing control, they set the stage, invite contributions, and adapt when people “go off script.” Their alter ego brings creativity and flow to what could otherwise be tense moments.
The Umpire
An engineering manager spends weekends calling plays in a community softball league. When a difficult performance conversation comes up, they lean on their inner umpire, the calm, clear boundary-setter. Not cold, just steady and competent.
The Performer
Another leader has a drag stage persona who knows how to own the spotlight. When the boardroom replaces the runway, they channel that presence, humor, and confidence. It’s not about putting on a show. It’s about remembering they already have what it takes to shine.
Which one of these resonates with you? Or reminds you of your own alter ego that you keep tucked away at work?
If you’ve ever felt like parts of you don’t belong at work, you’re not alone. Coaching can help you explore how to bring more of your real self into leadership, not by overexposing, but by integrating.
Harness what you’ve been hiding, and lead with more ease and authenticity.
“The alter ego is not about pretending to be someone you’re not, but about unleashing your truest self.” - Todd Herman, The Alter Ego Effect
“We all have something we think we need to hide. It's hard, but it does get better.” -- Clark Kent, Smallville