It’s 3am, why am I not asleep?

/ AHI Leadership LLC/
 
 

Volumes have been researched and written on getting to sleep, staying asleep, getting back to sleep, and the quality of sleep. I indulged in some web surfing and collected some items and insights that resonated with me. Here they are for your information and/or amusement. And if you discover one or two make sense for you, even better.

Please note: This content, including links and references to other material, does not constitute medical or mental health advice and is not a substitute for professional care, diagnosis, or treatment of any medical or mental health condition.

Why is sleep important?

 

“A good laugh and a long sleep are the best cures in the doctor's book.”
— Irish Proverb

 

The benefits of sleep according to Sleep Doctor include [ref 1]:

  • Sleep allows the body to repair tissues, muscles, and bones.

  • Sleep boosts the immune system and helps the body fight illness.

  • When you don’t get enough sleep, you are at a greater risk of catching colds and other infections.

  • The body regulates hormones during sleep that affect hunger and appetite. You are at higher risk for weight gain without enough sleep.

  • Getting enough sleep is important for making long-term memories.

  • During sleep, the brain forms new pathways that help with learning and retaining new information. Sleep also improves your problem-solving skills, attention, and creativity.

  • Sleep helps you control your emotions. A lack of sleep makes it harder to enjoy positive experiences and increases negative reactions.

What negatively affects the quality of sleep?

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This information is from the National Sleep Foundation [ref 2,3]:

  • A lack of a consistent bedtime routine - going to bed and getting up at the same time daily - can result in a lack of quality sleep. As can a change in schedule.

  • Watching TV before bed may seem relaxing, but it can actually be too stimulating.

  • People 65 or over can tend to have more trouble sleeping due to natural circadian body clock changes with aging, or medications, or health problems.

  • Conditions such as depression, anxiety, pain, cancer, and Alzheimer’s disease can all interfere with sleep. Lung, heart, kidney, and urological diseases can also cause sleep disturbances.

  • Obstructive sleep apnea (OSA) and restless leg syndrome can keep you awake.

  • Artificial light from screens suppresses melatonin, the hormone that helps you feel sleepy.

 

“Some people can’t sleep because they have insomnia. I can’t sleep because I have internet.”
— Anonymous

 

  • Going to bed too soon after eating high-protein foods (e.g. meats) or foods high in saturated fat (e.g. ice cream, bacon) can lead to disrupted sleep; you will feel uncomfortably full since digestion naturally slows when you sleep.

  • Spicy and highly acidic foods (e.g. citrus, raw onion, garlic, tomato sauce) can cause heartburn that can make it difficult to lie down comfortably, which makes it harder to fall asleep. Heartburn can also worsen the effects of OSA. Hot peppers can raise your body temperature, forcing your body to work harder to cool down enough to fall asleep.

  • Feeling too warm in bed may also disrupt your sleep patterns throughout the night.

  • Drinking caffeine (e.g. coffee, tea) late in the day can be a sleep disrupter. Caffeine can be hidden in foods as well, such as chocolate. Caffeine’s half-life is about 6 hours, so none after 2pm.

  • Drinking a glass of wine or a beer before bed may help you fall asleep, but you can wake up suddenly and struggle to go back to sleep. Alcohol can also worsen OSA symptoms.

Here are a few more items from other sources:

  • Super sugary treats (e.g. sugary cereals, desserts, and candy) cause your blood sugar to spike and crash and wreck your sleep pattern. [ref 4]

  • Noise, and other external disruptions to your sleep environment are [obviously] disruptive.

  • Children in your care of any age change everything, including your sleep habits. (Nope, I didn’t research this one, it needs its own article.)

 

“People who say they sleep like a baby usually don’t have one.”
— Leo J. Burke

 

And some thoughts about the effects of your mindset on sleep:

  • A negative frame of mind when you go to sleep predicts/influences the quality of your sleep. It can be induced by your exposure to disturbing news, videos, books, social media, and relatives, to name a few. Or having a negative ending to your day. More on this in the next section.

What positively affects the quality of sleep?

 

"Go to bed you’ll feel better tomorrow" is the human version of "Try turning it off and on again."
— Unknown

 

I’ll bet you’ve read most of these before:

  • Don’t do any of the “negatives” things in the list above. 😊

  • Create a sleep environment that works for you. In general: “just right” darkness, quiet, cool/cold, mattress, sheets, blanket, comforter, pillows (call it a Goldilocks and the Little Wee Bear scenario).

  • Put parameters on your screen time – shut off your computer and put down your smartphone at least an hour before bed, and keep them outside of your bedroom if possible. [ref 2]

  • Install a device to turn off your router at 10pm every night. Some routers have the capability built in. [ref 5]

  • If you need a snack before bedtime, consider complex carbohydrates such as oatmeal or whole-wheat toast, which digest easily. [milk, walnuts, almonds, chamomile tea, honey, cherries, bananas, berries [ref 2]

  • Do something calming before bed like listening to a podcast or music or reading (even listening to) a book. Repeating: calming. [ref 2]

  • Maintain the same schedule for going to sleep and waking up, enabling your body to lock in its circadian rhythm. [ref 2]

  • Set an alarm (try your fitness watch) to signal it’s time to start getting ready for bed. [ref 5]

Here’s something for grown-ups:

  • “Sex and other forms of physical intimacy at bedtime have been shown to increase drowsiness, reduce the time it takes to fall asleep, and improve overall sleep quality,” says Shanon Makekau, MD, chief of pulmonology and sleep medicine director at Kaiser Permanente in Honolulu. [ref 6]

  • When you share a bed with your adult partner, you’ll sleep better than sleeping alone, with a lower risk of depression and stress, and improved quality of life and relationships. However, sharing a bed with a child was associated with more stress. [ref 7]

And some focus on energy and mindset:

  • If possible, end your day on a positive note because it’s going to follow you to sleep. As part of each sleep cycle your brain is processing what happened during your day. [ref 8]

  • Close to bedtime, activate a positive, calm, mindset. Consider mindfulness meditation, breathing or body scanning exercises, PQ Reps [ref 8], or reviewing/recalling your gratitude for the day.

  • At bedtime, make a commitment or an affirmation with yourself that the period between 10pm and 6am (or whatever your normal schedule) is for “sleeping only”, and that everything else can wait until tomorrow.

 

At the end of the day, may your feet be dirty, your hair messy, and your eyes sparkling.
– Inspired by Shanti

 

What can you do if/when you wake up before your planned time?

These are inspired by Positive Intelligence® [ref 8]:

  • Address any external stimulus (e.g. noise, temperature, peeing, children, etc.)

  • Don’t engage with your internal critic and its friends.

  • Don’t look at a clock so you won’t be tempted to judge yourself.

  • Keep your eyes closed or avoid bright lights and energetic movement, if possible.

  • There’s no point in getting information that’s fodder for your internal critic and its friends.

  • If you have an idea, write it down, but don’t work on it.

  • Remind yourself of your “sleeping only” commitment.

  • If sleep continues to be evasive, note that it’s also good to just rest.

  • Re-activate a positive, calm, mindset. See above.

  • Give your mind something else to focus on, i.e. music, audio book, podcast, but be sure it is not arousing, exciting, adventurous, etc. Make it more about the sensory effect (i.e. drone or tone) rather than the content. Try a sleep app if you aren’t keeping your device outside your bedroom.

 

“My sleeping pattern isn’t even a pattern anymore – it’s a freestyle.”
— Unknown

 

Some final thoughts

When all else fails, try naps. Read what the Sleep Doctor has to say. [ref 9]

What sleep practices work for someone else may not work for you, and vice-versa. And what works will change as you age. Keep trying, and build your own practices.

Worrying about not sleeping is a sure-fire way to not get enough sleep. Rather than beating yourself up, acknowledge that sleep challenges are a natural human occurrence and can (do) happen to anyone. Practice some self-empathy. Try turning it into a gift!

 

“Insomnia can be a gift. More time for reading, writing, and walking. More time to live.”
― Luigina Sgarr

 

My approach to leadership coaching is less focused on managerial skills and more focused on leadership attitude, mindset and energy. I coach Positive Intelligence® [ref 8] and practices like awareness, acceptance, and reframing, especially for high tech leaders.

If you are feeling inspired to build, reestablish, or further develop these and other leadership practices, check out my Energy and Mindset Reboot Program, and find out what it can do for you in a free 30-minute Saboteur Discovery Session.

 

“Do you know that incredible feeling when you get into bed, fall right to sleep, stay asleep all night and wake up feeling refreshed? Me neither.”
— Anonymous

 

References:
[1] https://sleepdoctor.com/sleep-faqs/what-happens-when-you-sleep/
[2] https://www.thensf.org/recommended-amount-of-sleep/
[3] https://www.thensf.org/the-link-between-nutrition-and-sleep/
[4] https://www.sleephealthsolutionsohio.com/blog/foods-avoid-before-sleep/
[5] Nir Eyal, Indistractable: How to Control Your Attention and Choose Your Life, BenBella Books, Inc. Dallas, TX ©2019 https://a.co/d/bkLSORm
[6] https://www.everydayhealth.com/sleep/can-sex-help-you-sleep/
[7] https://neurosciencenews.com/bed-sharing-psychology-20768/
[8] Shirzad Chamine, Positive Intelligence: Why Only 20% of Teams and Individuals Achieve Their True Potential and How You Can Achieve Yours, Geenleaf Book Group Press, Austin, TX, ©2012 https://a.co/d/3NCZUXZ
[9] https://sleepdoctor.com/napping/