Moving from “I have to” to “I get to”
/Last Sunday as I was getting ready to go to bed, I started thinking, “ugh, tomorrow is gym day.” But because I’d been practicing catching moments of negativity, I let that pass and tried “I get to go to the gym tomorrow.” I was pleased at how easy it was to believe and how much of an immediate attitude lift I felt. I let my inner sleeper’s “but…” go by noting I was practicing self-care, both physical and mental.
I frequently challenge people to reframe a task or situation from “I have to” to “I get to” or from “I should” to “I choose to”. It turns something they don’t want to do into something they do or might want to do. They often experience the same kind of sudden positive shift that I did.
To provide some examples, I considered 10 common challenges of high tech leaders, primarily in IT/software industry in this case [ref 1] and reframed them into “I get to” statements. Here are the results:
“I get to hire and lead and work with and grow with and mentor and learn from an occasionally changing group of truly unique and amazing people.”
“I get to keep up with the rapid-changing tech landscape AND lead how we adapt it to our business opportunities.”
“I get to lead in the REAL world of balancing between innovation and stability in our systems.”
“I get to lead the structural and process changes that support the team and our work so we all THRIVE as we grow.”
“I get to be like Han Solo piloting the Millenium Falcon through the Kessel Run as I lead this project at breakneck speed around all the unknown obstacles we are certain to encounter.”
“It is my mission to make sure that communications within and among my team, the other departments, our senior management, and our stakeholders is not a source of stress in this organization!”
“I get to be creative and inspirational in making strategic decisions on resource allocation and justifying technology investments.”
“Today could be the day we get to catch those f*ckers trying to break into our systems.”
“I get to see the difference in the way my people respect and treat and work with each other as a result of the team culture we are creating.”
“I get to be the beacon that guides my team through transitions when industries, market conditions, and customer requirements change rapidly.”
I didn’t include the origin “I have to” statements, because in looking at the list, it seems to me to be something of an inspiring manifesto a tech leader could refer to on occasion when they need a little mindset adjustment. And listing the “I have to” statements could frankly be a temptation to fall back into an “ugh” mindset. Am I right?
Some “I have to’s” are so unpleasant or repulsive they may seem impossible to reframe in a positive way. Yet I still challenge you to try. Consider that these reframes could be about shifting away from something that is fear-based to something that is compassion- or care-based.
Here are examples of this approach:
“I get to work with toxic stubborn obnoxious people that provide me the opportunity to strengthen my interpersonal skills and my ability to not take things so personally.”
“I get to be the one that takes the blame so I can provide a different and better example of how to act with grace and equanimity.”
It’s one of many practices to find your way through difficult or unpleasant tasks or situations. One of the reasons it works is that it engages your creative brain, which is more positive, and focuses your attention, which can help shut down the chatter of your inner critic and other negative thoughts. I recommend practicing some mindfulness or PQ Reps [ref 2] before you attempt the reframe.
My approach to leadership coaching is less focused on managerial skills and more focused on leadership attitude, mindset and energy. I coach Positive Intelligence® [ref 2] and practices like awareness, acceptance, and reframing, especially for high-tech leaders.
If you are feeling inspired to build, reestablish, or further develop these and other leadership practices, check out my Energy and Mindset Reboot Program, and find out what it can do for you in a free Saboteur Discovery Session.
"By leadership we mean the art of getting someone else to do something that you want done because he wants to do it, not because your position of power can compel him to do it."
- Dwight D. Eisenhower
References:
[1] using ChatGP V3.5 January 18, 2024
[2] Shirzad Chamine, Positive Intelligence: Why Only 20% of Teams and Individuals Achieve Their True Potential and How You Can Achieve Yours, Geenleaf Book Group Press, Austin, TX, ©2012 https://a.co/d/3NCZUXZ